Dick’s to Stop Selling Dangerous Narwhal Tusks

Now that’s funny!

Dick’s Sporting Goods has absolutely tanked since it decided it was more important to virtue signal about gun control than to sell some of the most popular sporting goods in America, otherwise known as centuries-old semiautomatic firearms.

Dick’s even destroyed its old inventory of guns recently by chopping them up with saws (in violation of federal guidelines), just to signal its extreme corporate virtue. Well, if you weren’t aware of it, Great Britain already has the sort of draconian, anti-freedom gun restrictions in place that Dick’s would like to see us have here in America. During a recent terrorist attack on London Bridge, three men were forced to fight off and restrain a knife- wielding terrorist who had just murdered several people.

Because personal gun ownership is banned there, the men were forced to fight the terrorist with a fire extinguisher… and a display narwhal tusk that one of the guys grabbed off the wall. It was an awesome display of bravery, considering the fact that the terrorist appeared to be wearing a suicide bomb vest.

Anyway, look for Dick’s Sporting Goods to stop selling narwhal tusks very soon, because the company doesn’t support your right to self-defense.


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